Wednesday, January 30, 2008

MTB4








MTB4

IT'S BACK!!!!



"I got that ignorant shit you love"



Mannnn I love this damn show, Nothing helps me put pen to pad like an hour of Puff's batshit insanity. Unlike alot of reality shows like the countless Flavor of Love spinoffs, this shit is real. While the producers may put them in situations to get a predicted response all in all its unscripted.

The show opens with Diddy re-caping us on the events of the past year. Danity Kane blah blah blah...Million records sold blah blah blah....Revolutionary Boy Band.

Ya'll get it.

I'm offended he didnt mention his bottom bitches Da Band, while they only sold half a mil, the second season was by far the best. Although sometimes it made you ashamed of your race....Well maybe that feeling never quite went away while watching. It was by far the most entertaining, Fights, Crazy flip outs, Choppa ole Kermit the Frog lookin ass.









I'd give all 11 of these soft ass niggas away for another season of MTB2.

Well no use crying over spilled milk...

The Boyss land in NYC first. Everyone looks the same except Robert looks like he gained the weight that Big Mike lost. I really dont care if that nigga blow up like Pun as long as I never see that damn bedazzled fedora agian...

I hope he burned that shit along with his ex boyfriends number.

I swear that chick sounded like she was swangin....


The guys look happy to see each other though and you cant help but feel the excitement too.


Then they cut to Donnie, our favorite eye-talian, who looks like bathes in olive oil that nigga is beyond greasy.


Pro-Active could make a mint off developing a Body Scrub for this dude.


Anyways he gets mobbed by a few 12 yr olds and their mom who thought he was Christopher from the Sopranos.


Any attention is good attention though right?


Finally they get to our favorite D-list girl group Danity Kane.


A quick rundown of the girls


Aubrey- Smells like Chanel No. 5 and Slut


D Woods- Monstrous Fatty and a lopsided mullet


Dawn - Doesn't really look like Choppa in drag anymore, cuteness debatable.


Shannon- Looks like the 13th wife of a commune leader


Aundrea - Hobbit...


All jokes aside I would smash every single one of these chicks except for Shannon, she looks really really really lame... like play's Bridge with her grammy on Tuesday nights lame.


The girls find their crib and catch up on shit, Meanwhile at the House that Biggie Built Puffarelli is having a Get-That-Cake meeting with the Dream Team.


I guess a nigga done ran outta unreleased B.I.G material, but thats a problem easily solved Diddy.


First get Guerilla Black on board with this nefarious plan, Shouldnt be hard he back at his momma's crib.


Secondly hire a ghost writer cuz Black cant spit and preferably not the nigga you use Puff.


Third pour some cement over Wallace's grave cuz he may just come back to strangle your bitch ass.


Everyone then heads to the Bad Boy offices for individual meetings, While waiting for the Boss to summon them. These Boyss were sittin there looking timid, sweating and shit not one to be bored, Aubrey immediately slides into her role as the consummate whore making up a story about Donny on the third floor of the Marriott with some groupie jumpoff.


This nigga was so scared of these girls that he didnt even deny it.


I dont understand the logic of it all, Yeah they fine and was on T.V but so were you dumbass! Don't you still eat, shit, and speak the same?


First up for review were the only nameless musical act in existence.


Diddy made em take off the caps to scope for fresh cuts, everybody passed so they were spared a trip to Bangledesh for a circus monkey or whatever crazy punishment Diddy had thought up.


Basically the meeting is just them playing catch up, Puffy makes a joke then the guys just laugh nervously like he had a gun on em.


Poppa Diddy would prolly respect they asses more if they didnt act like a buncha Mike Vick puppies! Flinchin and shit....Bitches!


Iight we gonna have to side track for a moment here, When this shit re-runs, and it will. Watch closely for the secretary that calls them in this lady looks like she shops with a time machine. This nigga here got a 80's power skirt on that her momma prolly wouldn't wear in 84'.


When the girls go in its the same shit but when the meeting adjourns Puff keeps Aubrey back for a pep talk.


He basically tells the skeet skeet that she cant be fuckin up the money by getting negative press. What kind of negative press you ask?


Being fat and changing her hair color....


Did he forget the ones about him boning her on the regular and knocking her up??


Stupid ass


Man its clear Diddy was smashing her they got that wierd uneasiness goin on that follows having a sexual encounter that can never be spoken of...ever.


He then releases her and the other 10 contractual slaves to go have a nice night out on Bad Boy's dime.


Let me start off by saying the beauty of Dawn's ass cannot be described in any words in any modern language.


When she turned around and asked if it was too much I damn near fell over, her shit is on point!


Now that thats out of the way Boss man hooked em up with a limo and The Boysss acted like they never had a prom.


Act like you been somewhere nigga!


Then when they stopped to pick up the girls Donny was faced with a decision any man would have in this rare situation.


It's a very important decision dont get it twisted, Every woman in the clique is Bad, which one gonna drop drawers?


He picked the most obvious choice of course, Aubarella.


She is said to have slept with Diana Ross ole fruity ass son she definitely gonna give Donny Brasco a taste.


There's only one problem...


These niggas is scared of semi-celebrity pussy!


It was soooo quiet in the limo D.K. pulled out the sidekicks, very bad sign on any date, Donny had the bad idea to try and break the ice.


Be warned were going on Cornball Alert...


Donny: "They should call you Danity Phones" CORNBALL


Guys: Chuckle


Aubrey: "Well it's sad when there's 6 guys in the car and all 5 girls are on their phones"


Guys: Tear up a little


She hit them niggas hard they couldn't say shit, Even LL Cool Will was hushed.


Once they get to the club and that liquor in em they get loose.


Everybody pairs up too


Dirty Q:Dawn


Donny:Aubrey


Robert:D Woods


Jesus:Shannon


Big Mike:The Wall


Then the DJ played both the groups songs and MTV hushed the boos from the crowd. Naw their songs are Iight in a club setting I guess.


After the club they hit up the 40/40 and Q spittin at Dawn on the couch.


He had her too if they cameras wasn't on em he woulda had her in the bathroom somewhere.


He said he liked to hear girls snore though, you gotta let her in on fetishes easy son!


Save the snoring for the third date then you start easing in the chains and the farm animals.


Shannon and Aundrea were in the corner like the fat friends. They wasn't hating tho I respect them and I prolly woulda chose Aundrea cuz she cute in a woodland creature sorta way.


LL Cool Will kinda was surprised by Aubrey and Donny though, borderline hating. He know she's a Maserati and Donny's a 89' Buick LeSabre.


Aubrey the type to pull some frightening shit on a nigga, have you in therapy afterwards.


They decided to hit the studio next and Big Mike had an epiphany.


"They're just..........girls"


Deep Nigga... Deep.


In the words of my eldest cousin


"No matter how fine a female is she's still just a female, the pussy still smell the same".


Wise fuckin words.


Puffarelli rolls through a hits them with the challenge.


All of them will be making an album at the same time.


Here's the M. Night Shyamalan twist though they only have 5 weeks to make it.


5 weeks nigga???


Jay dont make a album in 5 weeks shit he dont make a mixtape in that short of a time frame.


Every aspiring music mogul out there take notes on how not to make good music from Mr.Combs.


The girls are up first for recording and they sound good, they've been working together for a while now and the experiance shows.


Their song is called "Anybody out there" a ballad about angst and all that gay shit.


While they were puttin in work Dirty Q snuck in the room and hit Dawn up with the digits his numbers and his age.


Dude only 19


Dawn is like 25


I know cuz my father knew her father in New Orleans, they used to play ball together.


Anyways Pops said he saw her as a baby back in 83'/84'


She said it was a no go cuz of dude age but come on we all know that aint the truth.


The dudes have a dumb ass song called "Co-Star" about some more gay shit.


Mike tried to explain it but he aint even know what it was about.

They sounded good I thought but Diddy came through and being the expert judge of music that he is started shitting on Brian's flow.
How in the fuck is a tone-deaf nigga like Puff gonna judge anybody's singing?
We heard "Last Night" nigga!
You sounded like a Special Education class's Christmas recital.
Plus that nigga's jacket looked like hyena leather...hyena afflicted with mange leather.
I mean that shit was UGLY! I'm sure ya'll agree with me.
Talk to you next week fam.


Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Soulja Boy - YAHHH!!

Soulja Boy-


Yahhhh





I hate this lil nigga with all my heart and soul



I hate his fuck-tard scribble sunglasses!



I hate his ubiquitous dance!



I hate his simple ass remedial rhymes!


This nigga is a klansmans wet dream... Its like Ronald Reagan (that nigga ain't lost his mind) and Bill O'Reilly got together to genetically engineer a super-coon.


A nigger that could jig and juke for hours fueled only by a diet of hot pickles, 99 cent chips, and Watermelon AriZona juice and still have energy to shine a mirror onto a pair of wingtips.


A nigger that could make a page of unintelligible bullshit so catchy that even the strong minded edumacated African American finds themselves tapping a toe to the shit.


I didnt there could ever be a more exploitive form of entertainment than Ministrel shows but I think this trails closely behind.


This song seriously has 24 bars between two niggas and the coldest line is


Ain't got time for chitchat
I'm tryin to get this money
So get up out my face
You shit-breath dummy

You serious?!? That's the best shit you could think of????


That wasn't even Soulja Boy those words came from his lil minion of ignorance Arab (pronounced A-Rab).


Normally I'm all about a young dude getting gwap any kind of way but you gotta draw the line somewhere.


Aint Shit to mention about this video except Rocsi and Terrance are prolly announcing it at number 1 right about now..


FUCK BET, FUCK MR. COLLIPARK TWICE FOR THE YING-YANG TWINS, AND FUCK SOULJA BOY MOMMA FOR KEEPING HIS RETARDED ASS (this is exactly why you shouldn't make babies with your brother)



SOME WTF MOMENTS


*Cheap Brittney Spears look-a-likes homie?


You coulda got the real thing and some head for a gram of coke, a family pack of Funyuns, and a half a bottle of that Hen.


Stupid ass!


*Just when you thought it couldn't get worse this dude has a big lipped neanderthal retard claymation version of himself in the video... Well I guess it wasn't that far off.


*When did they start giving out F's in Special Classes ya'll? Fuck that how exactly do you get one? I imagine he consistently colored outside the lines and blurted random Yahhahhaahaas out during nap time.


* Okay when they start throwing the paper in class watch the lil asian girl....she cant dance for shit!


* See what niggas buy with ringtone money! this cat has a $30 office depot chair welded to a 22 inch rim.






Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Uninspired

Uninspired

Sorry to all my Hater-Nation fam, I haven't been bringing the hate lately.

To be truthful I have about 8 posts sitting half-done and half-assed but I refuse to deliver sub-par content.

Right now the legend Ronnie Mex is killing it so I'm content for now to enjoy his shit.

But I see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel...





MTB4 - 1/28/08